A long time
ago, all of our existence was conceived in the heart of a dying star. That
could be why the night sky can soothe the misery of human existence. We feel
that motherly love exuding from all those stars in the sky, a billion wombs of
a gazillion stories. That is why hope fills our hearts whenever we gaze upon
the heavens. Maybe.
That maybe
was a certainly for Kirk. He could see stories in the sky, at stages as small
as near-Earth orbits to those monumental as intergalactic. A piercing gaze into
the depths of the darkness, a few lines of equation on a piece of paper and his
trained imagination saw the majesty of reality; sometimes past, present and
future at once. The story of the heavens with a stellar climax, quite
literally.
It was not
a job, not a hobby, one couldn’t even call this his passion. Beyond all that, this
was his double life.
A
government accountant by day, Kirk had to find a way to keep his love of
numbers intact. He came to learn after a while in the job that the best way to
lose interest in the love of your life would be to choke them in red tape and
file them for obscurity.
“Why don’t
you be an amateur astronomer?” asked Albert, a high school friend of his.
“What good
is that going to do?”
“It’s not
just looking up at the sky. It involves a lot of calculations. And after all
that, you will can sit and imagine the numbers coming to life. Maybe, your
numbers were choked to death so that they could be reborn as stars.”
“Melodramatic
as always, Dr. Aego,” said Kirk, smiling.
But little
did he know, he fell in love with the night sky. He stayed up every night,
crunching numbers, sleeping at work. He could always afford sleeping at work,
he was insanely fast with numbers.
Every
night, he looked up at the sky from the apartment roof. With his laptop, a pen
and a book and a lot of numbers, the rooftop came alive with all that ever was,
is and could be; acts in a cosmic drama played out in light.
And then
began his problems; that’s how it works, right?
“Who names
a girl Venus?”
“What’s
wrong with it?”
“Venus is a
freaking hell.” Kirk realized as soon as he said it out loud. Not the best thing to say to girl named
Venus. “Th…th…th…the plaanet.”
“Smooth.
And you still wonder why people don’t like you?”
“Don’t
people like, look deeper into people?”
“No.”
“Ok. My
whole childhood was a lie. I thought people realized the fact that I was a
vigilante by night. Why did I do all that?”
“Bad joke,
Batman. Who would name their child after a Star Trek character?”
“My dad?”
“At least
he didn’t name you Mr. Data, that would have been ironic.”
Where was this girl hiding all this time?
In plain sight. Thought Kirk.
It wasn’t
just that she was named Venus, the morning star; it wasn’t just that you could
always see the weight of the world in her eyes, a depth of caring unlike any;
it wasn’t just that she not only knew but could casually mention Star Trek,
without apologies; it wasn’t that she didn’t find her nerdiness unusual; it
wasn’t the simple fact that she was the only person who didn’t bore him having
talked for hours.
She was
there and he didn’t see. Like the night sky he discovered to be the wonderland
it is, she was right beside him and he didn’t see it.
“Now why
don’t you tell her?” asked Albert.
“I can’t.”
“Explain.”
“I’m afraid
she might refuse.”
“She
basically talked at you for four hours, while you were mostly mute and
intermittently cracking stupid nerd jokes. Am I describing your date
correctly?”
“It wasn’t
a date.”
“Yeah,
that. Am I describing whatever happened correctly?”
“Yes, so?”
“She’s into
you, you idiot.”
“How would
you know, you’ve never had a girlfriend.”
“I have a
boyfriend, for three years now. There isn’t that complicated a difference in
how men and women feel. No one would tolerate another for that if they don’t
have anything to gain from it. As far as I can tell, the only thing she had to
gain was the pleasure of your company.”
To put it
simply, Kirk was a coward. He kept his feelings to himself. The raging inferno
that was Venus, where acid clouds melt the ground and anything that crossed the
thick fog of white that covers the sky, somehow became more beautiful.
“Do you
stay up at night?”
“Obviously.
I’m a sky watcher.”
“Skyentist?”
“Got that
off a meme, didn’t you?”
“Guilty as
charged. I subscribed to such groups on the internet. I like the stars so much
now. You talk about astronomy so much, it’s easy to get hooked on it if someone
talks to you. Getting you to talk is the problem, though.”
“I’m not a
skyentist,” Kirk smiled. “Not an astronomer by any standards. I am technically
an amateur astronomer, or a citizen scientist.”
“Do you
have to stay up at night?”
“I can
sleep at work,” smiled Kirk.
“It’s not
good, you know. An erratic sleep rhythm.”
“Why is
that?”
“Stop with
your scientific patronizing, you know as well as I that it just is.”
“I can
manage.”
“You can’t.
You’re yawning even now,” Venus pointed at Kirk as he tried to hide his wide-open
mouth. “This is only going to get worse. You can take charge now. And not lose
your health. And your beautiful mind.”
“I’m not
nuts.”
“Can’t you
do the calculations during the time you sleep at the office?”
“Yes.”
“Didn’t
Einstein do something similar? Working on relativity while in the Swizz Patent
office?”
“I’m not
Einstein.”
“And you
don’t have to be. You can be you. Please don’t destroy your health for a
pointless pursuit.”
“A pointless pursuit? You of all people…”
“YOU OF ALL
PEOPLE! You should know I will never ask you to abandon your passion.”
“Huh?”
“You can
see the stars in numbers. You told me before pointing up at the day sky, I know that’s where planet Venus is right
now. And I know that from just these
bunch of numbers. You can see stars in broad daylight. You can see the
stars through the Earth. You see the cosmic sphere in your head, from just
numbers. Now why do you need to stay up at night? Why do you have to screw up
your health? Why?”
Why?
“I’ll
stop.”
“Just like
that?!”
“I’m a man
of science at night. I can be convinced by reason.”
Kirk was
not a man of science at night. He was an addict. It wasn’t just the numbers
anymore. It was the ecstasy in prophecy. Although he knew where every celestial
object would be, with startling precision, seeing it there made all the
difference. With his own eyes, Kirk had to see the math coming to life. Numbers
smiling back from the heavens.
Double
lives begin to protect the loved ones from the dangers associated with being a
hero; ironically, Kirk began his to protect himself from a loved one.
That night,
Kirk was feeling guilty. More so than any other night. Dismay warped around him
as a bone-chilling cold as he lay motionless. The sky was pitch black as if the
clouds had held the heavens hostage.
Was it the right choice? Was there a right choice? Why did I lie to her? Why can’t I tell her about me? Why won’t I tell her I like her so much?
Why am I such a damned coward? What would she think if I told her? What
would she be like after realizing I outright lied to her for six months? How can I get out of all this?
Kirk sat
up, crying. He stared at the numbers on his screen, they still came alive. And
through the tears, he saw the cosmos once more. He stared into the depths as
far as human ingenuity could tread.
This, this is as far as I can go.
Determined,
he climbed onto the ledge. He had reached the end of this journey. His purpose
was fulfilled.
I’m not desperate. Not out of options. Not particularly
without hope. I have done all I can as a stargazer, as a sky watcher. I maybe
young, and I have a lot of live for. And Venus. I have of lot I can screw up
with her. I don’t want to. I don’t want to go wrong. I don’t want to keep
hurting her. I don’t want to lie. I don’t want to hope about us by myself.
What’s that?
He jumped
back from the ledge, hurting his knee in the process. He was bleeding and in
pain, but in elation, he stood up. He would have yelled Eureka! if he was the yelling type.
I missed it all this time. He
laughed at his own incompetence. He thought about Venus all the time, and
missed this. He lost his touch with the night sky. And the horrible weather had
made it worse. So, his calculations were off.
Correcting for my earlier mistake, and…
Yes! I was right. It’s headed this way. Now, what do I do about this?
A comet. It’s
on a collision course with the Earth.
Put simply,
it was his relationship versus the whole world.
Should I lie to Venus and the world cover up this fact?
Should I not lie and screw up my whole life?
My leg hurts like hell.
He climbed
down from the roof and got some ice. Then climbed back up. He sat up, with his
back against the wall. His laptop and the papers stared at him. And his
imagination now wasn’t stars but a fireball threatening to wipe out the whole
of humanity.
Do other people know about this? NASA or ESA or someone looking up at the
skies other than me? I took the data
from a NASA program, they should know.
He googled
it. Apparently not.
Could they be keeping it a secret? If so, how long till the other countries
find out? If everyone decided to keep
this a strategic secret, what about countries without a space program? Now wouldn’t that would a great argument for
sending a lot of telescopes into space?
A paranoid one, nonetheless.
But the data was public. I don’t believe I would be the smartest one
looking at this. Maybe I’m just lucky
to notice this early. Others would find
this out soon. Actual astronomers are
looking at this. To think of me
superior to them and the only person to save the world would be stupid. But what if they don’t? Every second counts in scenarios like this.
I have to decide soon.
Was I not thinking about Venus a second ago?
He scratched
his head as he thought of other possibilities. Maybe, just maybe, he could save
the world and his relationship?
An anonymous tip? NASA and the like should get a load of those. There is no way they
would take it seriously. And the
faint chance that they might is not one worth betting the whole world on.
People at NASA are not stupid. It’s possible that they are covering this
up on purpose. I have to stop
diverting my thoughts. What should I
do?
Two options.
I. Go public. It would mean
that Venus will probably hate me for being a liar. She might still be my friend but I will not be able to look at her face
the same way; I can’t see any wrong
in her feeling the same way in such a situation. But on the pro side, human
civilization might just survive for more than eleven months.
II. Keep mum. Destroy the world. Maybe keep
lying to Venus for another eleven months if nobody is smart enough to look at
the numbers like I did. What do I
gain? Nothing. Why is this even an option?
There is no other option here!
I need to go public. I have to dial up Albert.
No.
Screw the world.
I need to sleep. There is a promise I need to keep.
Then the
phone rang, and Kirk was free from his nightmare at last.
“Albert”
“Dude, turn
on the news, an amateur astronomer actu…”
“I need to
sleep, man. Not at two thirty in the morning, or midnight or whatever this is.”
The choice was
to sleep. And he had slept; although by accident.
It’s cold. I should probably go
inside. Or maybe not.
Thought Kirk
as he lay looking up at the sky. It was star-lit and clear, probably for the
first time two months. He closed his eyes. And fell into the cosmic sea.
Maybe, I can see Venus rise as I wake up.
And in his
phone, a news notification popped up:
Amateur astronomer discovers comet on collision course with
Earth.
Kirk didn’t
hear its faint sound.
